January 5, 2017

The unwanted trip north

Unfortunately, on some days my mood goes south.

Or rather goes north, since it seems more logical to associate a depressive phase with darkness, snow and a black icy ocean, rather than sunlight, palm trees and sand.

I say "depressive phase", but actually that's an overstatement. I've had mood problems since my teenage years. I don't want to get into too much detail, but it's not an issue where medication would help, more of a personality glitch. I do what I can to live with it, but some days are still more difficult than others. In a matter of hours I'll go from being happy, buoyant, self-confident and optimistic to getting mired in self-doubt and feeling like a failure.

Lots of people get feelings of this sort. It's the frequency and intensity that pose a problem.

I'm more or less used to this internal rollercoaster, especially since I've experienced it ever since I was 14 or so. Whenever the black clouds descend, I pull down my hood, muffle up against the cold, and do my best to push on.

I'd go for a long brisk walk today (it's snowing in my hometown right now), but I have a pesky cough that won't go away. I don't read or watch movies to cheer myself up when work is waiting, nor do I eat chocolate (or anything else) to self-medicate. So... there's nothing to it but sit down and work.

Hans the troll agrees.

Image courtesy of PaulR at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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