I’ve
mentioned previously that I get mood swings from time to time. I’m not sure if
this issue has been researched in depth, but anecdotal evidence shows that
creative people are more likely to experience fluctuating moods.

Like me, Julia
is constantly torn between focusing on earning a decent stream of income and
building her CV as a professional fiction writer. She writes well, she has been
a published author for quite some time (a little-known name, good reviews,
so-so sales), but is not efficient in terms of pumping out one novel after
another. Realistically, she doesn’t see herself as a future bestselling author
in Poland ,
much less abroad. But she’s not ready to quit writing books either. At least
not yet.
Due to the
constant mental see-saw between “I want to write” and “I need to have a normal,
dependable career”, Julia is prone to recurrent attacks of self-doubt and feelings
of failure. She has the luxury of not being financially on her own, but earning
little money leaves her feeling very inadequate and immature. When she focuses
on her freelance work, though, writing goes out the window. She can’t reconcile
the two. She has tried and failed many times, ever since her university days.
Her writing is a s-l-o-w endeavor. It needs lots of time and space to germinate,
grow and unfold. Rushing results in poor-quality output.
I can
relate because I’m in a similar situation. And I haven’t found a solution yet,
either for Julia or for myself. On some days, there’s a strong temptation to
just give up writing and focus on “real” work, and being a respectable adult.
On the
other hands, publishers have already invested in us. Our books have been
published. Reviewers have praised them. We have fans – maybe not thousands of
them, but certainly hundreds. (Or perhaps, actually, thousands.) We just don't write fast enough to produce a new book each year.
Ultimately, there’s probably no good answer regarding what we should do. Temporarily give up the freelancing,
and focus on learning to write quickly and efficiently like Stephen King? Quit
struggling, accept that writing wasn’t meant as our career, and move on? Or
keep on see-sawing, and hope that life will ultimately solve the dilemma, one
way or the other?
It’s a
conundrum.
If you can
relate, or have thoughts to share, feel free to!
Image courtesy of punsayaporn at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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